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Consumption Malfunction - reader's indigestion

Spicy - Consumption Malfunction

Stephen Hawking Walks Again!

July 5th 2008 01:44
Stephen Hawking Walks!
Hawking jumps, piddles. Everything.

Hawking has renewed his vows to his buxom waif and super-mong, Jennifer in a slavish ceremony waited on.

"My bottom gets very itchy at night, Stephen," Hawking moaned as she said, "I do".

It is understood.

Hawking, a veterinarian of the cattlewalk, stood at the top of the aisle in his wheelchair when a sudden realisation adorned on him.

"If time travel is possible, this, the present (the past in the future) would be visited by the future," he moaned, wetting himself as his wife got digital.

"This, the present, is actually the past," the suddenly walking and dancing unit vowed, planting one on his wriggling waif.

"You're a machine!" she cried, strapping herself in for a bit of slip and tackle.

Now and then, we all need help.
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Posted By: Norm - Category: Health, Poached, Spicy, Rocky
   


Tax office pursuing Norm: report

July 3rd 2008 23:41
norm also enjoys a beer
He also enjoys a beer

Norm, the brains behind his doubting eyes, and biro-hater, upskirt photographer, downtop licker, finger sniffer and unsociable pervert, is being chased by the government deportment over undisclosed earings.

"He looks good in a string bikini," twanged Tax officer Benny Hill as he chased Norm, half-knackered, around his desk.

"But those chandelier earings leave nothing to the imagination," Hill said as Norm stuffed a testicle back into his panties.

Norm, who's earings topped himself by jumping for joy, has rejected the inquiries of Hill, who he had earlier described as: "a very considerate lover."

"He gave me a box of chocolate pudding," he bespoke, gingerly evading the clutches of the authorities' inquiring eye teeth.

"I look amazing in a bikini," the half-Brazilian super mogul waxed prosaically, screaming with pain.

"But these earings really set off my knackers," the buxom wrench said, pussing a nut.

Norm's Google accountant, a firmer lover and pencil enthusiast, released a statement on Norm's behalf that read:

My client, Norm, is one of the most highly esteemed mick-rakers we have in my stable. His reputation for accurate reporting extends to well below his genitalia, which is fortunate for he is hung like a hearse. We will be flighting these charges, vicariously. Thank you.

The earings stay.
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Posted By: Norm - Category: Money, Poached, Spicy, Corny
   


Liberal member of parliament gives birth to a bouncing baby demon

June 17th 2008 13:09
As predelicted by ALP soothslayer and acclaimed French siren Gerard Depardieu (pictured), the formerly heavily pregnant tinkerer of evil thoughts and Liberal stalled-wart gave a wide birth to the demon in a ritual's laughter.

"I hate to say I told you so," the flagrant frog told the depressed mother as Dr. Nelson delivered the demon from the evil clutches of the Liberal party drink tank.

In a mark of the best and brightest, we are represented by huff-wits and snakey ladders.

"Keep your nose out of my business, de Bergerac!" the expectant mater told Depardieu as dentists inspected her cavities.

The demon seed, in an ominous warming for the human-annoyed race, is expected to become the next Australian idol.

Damien Leith, the last idol and gnome's sick, was on hand to welcome his holy darkness into his farcical manifestation.

"He's got a green horn!" saucy nurses salivated as they cut the cards and handed the little bundle of jaws over too.

Evil thoughts carry evil deeds to the lower house and beyonder, bubby.


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Posted By: Norm - Category: Family, Grilled, Spicy, Muddy
   


I was Diana's sex toy: Keating

June 15th 2008 23:14
Hated in the UK for his fondlingness of Her Mingesty but loved in Great Britain for his treatment at the hinds of Phil the Greek, former Australian Prime Monster Paul Keating has revealed all to no one.

"Yes, she loved me. Yes, she adored me." the one time lover of Princess Diana told Elton Johnians


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Posted By: Norm - Category: Love, Poached, Spicy, Nutty
   


Sex is great for pregnancy says Angelina Joile

June 14th 2008 01:58
Pregnant transmanian devil in the sack, distinct, specious, and reasonable spokesperson for all crumbers, wiff to a buttonless pot and tractor, Angelina Jolie has forgotten where she was after such an intro.

"All I can say is that making your own is more fun," she said after pressing the buzzer to the question while her dildo was awry on holiday


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Posted By: Norm - Category: Love, Scrambled, Spicy, Muddy
   


Catholic Church backs controversial photographer Bill Henson's Zombie

May 27th 2008 05:41
Churchman cometh Pope Ratsinger has praised Henson's reanimated corpse for its Christ-like resurrection.

"I wouldn't leave him alone with my own children," Ratsinger told his cronies as he dressed up in garb consistent with the humility one would associate with being in awe of the all matey


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Insectarian head threatens to give gays head-chop

May 23rd 2008 02:04
The religiously zealous head of a colony of the US has vowed vengeance on his butter enemies: the fragrantly humoursexual.

"I can't wait to get my hands on my machete so I can give it to a sinner," the head of stale told his fairy godfather


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Posted By: Norm - Category: People, Scrambled, Spicy, Muddy
   


Hugh Hefner's mum discovers his Newsweek collection

May 13th 2008 23:37
The playboy, dirty old maniac, womens' lip-operationer and smacking jacket wearer told his mum that he only reads Newsweek for the naked self-interest.

Hef, unashamedly and unreservedly and unapologetically and unrepentantly informed, told his mater that he couldn't imagine a bunny with a name ending in Berg


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Posted By: Norm - Category: Love, Baked, Spicy, Nutty
   


The Sound of Music comes to reality TV

May 3rd 2008 00:28
Josef Fritzl scrutinizes his daughter's profile

Captain Von Trapp, the father of his seven grandchildren, believes that the Holocaust is a conspiracy cocked up by the Jews.

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Norm in hot water again

April 24th 2008 01:30
Filthy exponent of the lost fart of hammer and patricidal almanac, Norm has refuelled speculation about his increasing prosperity after having a bath for the flirt time in ages.

"I'd be lying if I was having a bath," the perpendicularly challenged sloth told passing showers


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Posted By: Norm - Category: True Stories, Baked, Spicy, Muddy
   


Liberals court Norm as his popularity hits new highs

April 23rd 2008 00:57
The bedraggled Liberals are reportedly seeking Norm to fill the leadership vacuum laughed by outgoing and gregarious brothel-goer John Howard.

"He's my troll-model," Norm said as he sheltered under a bridge


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Norm howled down at Rudd's 20/20 summit

April 21st 2008 23:02
Belittled mugger and all-rind good spot, Norm has sniffelled the ignonimy of having to look "silly" for pisstaking starch-footed Kevin Rudd for a pedestrian.

"I'll be flighting these charges vigourously," the indolent-one told TV guides


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Sex tape of Norm surfaces

April 17th 2008 02:10
Despectacled clogger Norm has refused to admit that sex-tapes circulating through the internet have damaged his reputation as he prepares for bed.

"I know it's early," the madmaniac told worms, "but I'm fearing tiredness


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Posted By: Norm - Category: Entertainment, Scrambled, Spicy, Nutty
   


Madame Tussaud does Kevin Rudd

April 11th 2008 23:43
Rudd looks shorter in the flesh

The famous waxmadame has unwrapped her latest wax-sculpture to enthralled young people who were attending a function as part of Rudd's 20/20 extravaganza.

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