Hated in the UK for his fondlingness of Her Mingesty but loved in Great Britain for his treatment at the hinds of Phil the Greek, former Australian Prime Monster Paul Keating has revealed all to no one.
"Yes, she loved me. Yes, she adored me." the one time lover of Princess Diana told Elton Johnians.
The revelations come as no surprise to the maniac himself as he, Elton himself, told hairdressers: "There's going to be hell's toupee!" as he watched Keating's hairline.
The Greek Phil, former fish and chopperer to the stars, has told Keating to keep his grubby hands of my wife.
I'm not even married.
"Only I can be her tampon," Phil told Keating in a heated car driven through Dianas's tunnel by the one-time buttlover.
Keating is staying in a cell as the whole thong combs over.
"This isn't quite what we meant by padded," Phil told consumers of his fish sticks.
Watch this spice.
The playboy, dirty old maniac, womens' lip-operationer and smacking jacket wearer told his mum that he only reads Newsweek for the naked self-interest.
Hef, unashamedly and unreservedly and unapologetically and unrepentantly informed, told his mater that he couldn't imagine a bunny with a name ending in Berg.
"There's no Hebrew word for breast augmentation," Hef crowed as he unveiled his new venture, Playkike.
"I'm bringing the beard back to the bearded clam," he said clasping his clammy ones together.
His mother, totally stuffed and off her rocker, found his stash under his bed as she was hunting rabbis and is believed to have bought his story.
"He could sell Ice to smack-heads," a rabbi told his meddling mother as he posed for the chimera.
Playkike will be on selves very shirtly.
The bedraggled Liberals are reportedly seeking Norm to fill the leadership vacuum laughed by outgoing and gregarious brothel-goer John Howard.
"He's my troll-model," Norm said as he sheltered under a bridge.
It's comments like these that have Liberal party power-pokers salivating at the prospect of the celebrated waiter tucking over the wanes of the political sewing-machine.
"I can stitch anything up," Norm said as put penis to paper in an ahistoric moment.
John Howard has endorsed the strange maniac telling his wife: "He reminds me of me when I was committed."
Norm has refused to be drawn on paper.
Belittled mugger and all-rind good spot, Norm has sniffelled the ignonimy of having to look "silly" for pisstaking starch-footed Kevin Rudd for a pedestrian.
"I'll be flighting these charges vigourously," the indolent-one told TV guides.
We understand that Norm, who has never stunk solo, was a candidate to be Australia's first president until misfortune landed on his fedora.
"Look, Norm is a very misguided individual," Rudd said of the channel-surfing hazy-bones.
"We think he'd make a fabulous backbencher," he said as new polls showed a traumatic upswank in Norm's polarity.
Norm, who hates stalking about himself, has refused to make a comma.
"I've got no comma to make at this time," the deceptive dredger told ocean floors.
Norm is expecting re-erection, a saucy siren sounds.
Despectacled clogger Norm has refused to admit that sex-tapes circulating through the internet have damaged his reputation as he prepares for bed.
"I know it's early," the madmaniac told worms, "but I'm fearing tiredness."
The maniac, ungnome for his dearth of witches, has span increasingly out of bed recently.
"This tape only runs for a couple of minutes anyway," the weirdy-looking Norm yawned as he flopped out of head.
"When I get my hands on it," he fumed, "I just don't know what not to do."
It is believed the tapes are to feature in advertisements for Solo, a maniac's drunk.
I'm not rarely that bad.
In a bonanza for the paparazzi, home and away the best racketeer in the electrical circus, Bec Cartwright has told her father: "Gee, Pa."
After pondering her predicament, hot and heavy with a horse, Hewitt (nee Cartwright) needed to sit down in an esky full of ice.
"The equine was enormously erotic," explained an erratic Eskimo.
The poor horse had to be taken away in a hearse.
When asked about the affair the horse could only say: "Pal, I'm knackered."
Bec's father, bewildered by his daughter's promiscuity, has comforted his son-in-law, Lleyton by electing to receive.
"For me, he serves custard," he told the fans while sweating professorially.
Hewitt denies he's thick and rich.
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