Pope Tom Cruise Opens The Gates Of Hell
July 7th 2009 01:59
The first Scientologist to be ordained as Pope of the Catholic church, Tom Cruise, has pontificated that, under his pontification, Catholicism will "really take off".
"We are going to bring the Vatican to the people," he said, going over a set of plans, "and by that I mean we will be converting it into a bloody great spaceship."
Cruise, it is believed by believers, has at his disposal the technology to convert the Mecca of the Catholic world into a vehicle for fading star John Travolta.
"It's about time the little people out there," Cruise said, making a sweeping gesture, "had a chance to see John Travolta in something that didn't go nowhere."
Travolta, a devout Catholic and staying alive thanks to a routine devised by his dark master, Richard Simmons, has made a big song and dance about his big trip.
"I fell into this roll," he said, tripping over the tongue of a devoted fanatic, "but it was lucky that I can handle my craft," he said, touching down on the Whitehouse.
Obama, perhaps Saturn, if not Satan himself, has laughed off jokes that God, in heavens above, is merely a descendent of Jupiter, the biggest "up there".
"It's my belief that those ideas are being propagated," he said, fertilising a virgin bed, "by home-grown terrorists who would have you believe their shit don't stink."
"We are going to bring the Vatican to the people," he said, going over a set of plans, "and by that I mean we will be converting it into a bloody great spaceship."
Cruise, it is believed by believers, has at his disposal the technology to convert the Mecca of the Catholic world into a vehicle for fading star John Travolta.
"It's about time the little people out there," Cruise said, making a sweeping gesture, "had a chance to see John Travolta in something that didn't go nowhere."
Travolta, a devout Catholic and staying alive thanks to a routine devised by his dark master, Richard Simmons, has made a big song and dance about his big trip.
"I fell into this roll," he said, tripping over the tongue of a devoted fanatic, "but it was lucky that I can handle my craft," he said, touching down on the Whitehouse.
Obama, perhaps Saturn, if not Satan himself, has laughed off jokes that God, in heavens above, is merely a descendent of Jupiter, the biggest "up there".
"It's my belief that those ideas are being propagated," he said, fertilising a virgin bed, "by home-grown terrorists who would have you believe their shit don't stink."
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Comment by Morgan Bell
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Catholicism and Scientology ARE exactly the same!
Comment by RubySoho
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I'll bet fifty bucks that in two thousand years there will blogs written about Tom Cruise and whether or not he was really the Son of Hubbard. Some people will even die rather than denounce the name of Cruise. They will die in the sure knowledge that they will be sitting at the right hand of his royal craziness in heaven. Katie Holmes will be recast as a Virgin and Suri will have the ability to bring people back from the dead with just the twinkle of her little button nose. Oh wait, is that Tabitha?
Forgive them Tom for they know not anything...
Comment by Norm
Consumption Malfunction
Equal and Opposite
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I'm possessed by the Devil.
Just exercising my rites.
Comment by Norm
Consumption Malfunction
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With a hatchet.
Comment by RubySoho
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Comment by Morgan Bell
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this is a hatchet job by a socialist party hack
Comment by RubySoho
Music Zone
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Factual error!
Hatchet job by a Socialist party Hack.
Scientology 1045678920
Comment by Morgan Bell
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Comment by RubySoho
Music Zone
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checkmate
Comment by Morgan Bell
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duty of care
Comment by Norm
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Equal and Opposite
Arses and Elbows
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Comment by Morgan Bell
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Comment by Norm
Consumption Malfunction
Equal and Opposite
Arses and Elbows
Footy Power
Comment by Morgan Bell
Deep Pencil
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Movie Train
Comment by Norm
Consumption Malfunction
Equal and Opposite
Arses and Elbows
Footy Power
Comment by Morgan Bell
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you bet your life you did . . .
Comment by RubySoho
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Comment by Morgan Bell
Deep Pencil
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I don't know that simply gathering poor, sick people together and letting them suffer is helping them.
i just violated your copyright
Comment by Norm
Consumption Malfunction
Equal and Opposite
Arses and Elbows
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