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Consumption Malfunction - reader's indigestion

The word's greatest spiller, kiddy porn controversy denier, humble pie manufacturer, bigot squasher, argumentative tail-chaser, ignored and vilified martyr, tea-slipper, Kamahl enthusiast, heroic saviour of the maniacal and depressed, donkey-wielder, robot-inventor, carrot-catcher and man with a pair of sucks down his pants, has scoffed at claims he can't spell Karl Marx.

"Put it in a sentence," he said adjusting his larger-than-life sized image of himself emblazoned on his jockeys.

Lay off the whip, for pity's ache.

"Karl Marx was someone who sat around while working robots went about their lives," the master of the unceremonious replied.

It was at this point that the champion smeller, a champion in every sentence of words, fluffed his pants.

"There's not a word I know, and I know them all, that I don't know the meaning of, let alone know how to smell," he said, sitting around while working people went about other peoples' businesses.

"C-A-R-L," he spelled Karl.

I'm sensing this isn't how to conduct yourself in public.

I hate to sound like a smarty pants.

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Depardieu plays on the NSW right

Gay icon, patroniser of the arts, movie mongoose and hairdressing vigilante Kevin Rudd has ordered back-puncher Depardieu into the sequel of the smash hit after seeing her "sink the boots in."

"I always thought the French were a bunch of pedophiles," the smartly hair-cutted renaissance-man told his twelve-year old assistant.

"But when I saw Gerard playing soccer I thought to myself," the heavy thinking tee-totaller told best friend Mr. Baldy.

Mr. Baldy, AKA Johnny Howard, was in hiding today as the public toilets were set to be re-opened.

"I often find myself hiding behind a bush or two," the bald tenor told delegates.

Depardieu, fluent in the internationl language of soccer, also speaks fluent hooliganism.

"These boots were made for talking and one of these days..." she said before reporters sufferred mild percussion.

Instruments.
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Norm: sorry for sorry sorry

May 8th 2008 23:53
Apologetic ineffectual and cerebral acuity sufferer Norm has told pseudo-sufferers that he's sorry that his 'sorry' was so verily sorry.

"Sorry, this sorry sorry is a sorry sorry from a very sorry soul," said a true ineffectual, explert in all, moister of nuns, teacher of the pimples and ha and matey elephant ridder.

The battle betwine he and Norm for the arse and minds of the pimples has wed some to bereave that the former is the grater.

"He grates on me," said terminal ladder-slider, unintelligible builder, voracious animus, and pus-taker Norm.

For all hat, Norm is verisimiltude to sorrow over the wailments of the world.

"Mire than yule ulcer nose," he bespoke while tailoring his suet.

The bottle for hammerous righteousness goes right drown to aviary shingle word ratten.

The dove, ill, is in the detoils.
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Norm in hot water again

April 24th 2008 01:30
Filthy exponent of the lost fart of hammer and patricidal almanac, Norm has refuelled speculation about his increasing prosperity after having a bath for the flirt time in ages.

"I'd be lying if I was having a bath," the perpendicularly challenged sloth told passing showers


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Belittled mugger and all-rind good spot, Norm has sniffelled the ignonimy of having to look "silly" for pisstaking starch-footed Kevin Rudd for a pedestrian.

"I'll be flighting these charges vigourously," the indolent-one told TV guides


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Medea besplattered boggling giant Norm has told his loyal subjects to avenge his tarnished reputation after critics labelled him as Judge Judy and Executioner.

"You can't polish a turd," the ethnic-lenser said as he put down his spectacles


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Acquisitional artist to the stores, Ken Done has been arrested by police at his palatial abode after an investigation discovered he was the head of a child-pornography rink.

"He's been skating on thin ice," said the detective in charge of the arresting ice-ballet


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Andrew Symonds Drives
Symonds drives off in Harbhajan's vehicle

Symonds, whose brain has been measured at twice the capacity of a female, drove off in a new car that didn't belong to him.

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Smith 'a decent Aussie' says Hicks

February 4th 2008 00:58
David Hicks has leapt to the defence of terrorist apologiser Dick Smith in a stunning episode of Channel Nine's Survivor MMXIV: Guantanamo Bay.

It is understood that Australia's owned Smith is wearing


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Judge blames Symonds for race row

January 30th 2008 23:24
"If he wasn't a nigger, another nigger wouldn't have called him on his mobile to buy drugs." the judge said sheepishly at the wake for Heath Ledger held at Wayne Carey's pad.

It is understood that the jude wasn't partaking in mysterious white substances extracted from the tissues he found in Ledger's pockets when Miami Vice's Don Johnson cracked open a pack


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Extraordinary dog-handler and free-thinking ridicule Obama has barracked for his dog's lead as he struck it across Sir Edmund Hillary Clinton's ass range today in Nevada.

"This is one small smack for Hillary. One giant welt for her ass." Obama said as he played around with gophing buddy Osama


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Village person Hillary Clinton has assaulted rival Barack Obama with a stunningly blunt sledgehammer on his stance over the urinals.

"I will not shell legumes when nature calls," she pleaded while dousing sanitary cakes in a steam of golden liquidity


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britney on fire

Britney Spears is met with a traditional Muslim ceremony to kick off her tour of the Middle East


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Mokbel hires Warne to defend him

October 10th 2007 09:32
Warne appeals Mokbel's case
The Sultan appeals for a baron

Confessed philanderer and cricket tragic Tony Mokbel has employed the Sultan of Swing in a last-ditch attempt to clear his good name


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