Consumption Malfunction - reader's indigestion

True Stories Baked - Consumption Malfunction

Norm in hot water again

April 24th 2008 01:30

Filthy exponent of the lost fart of hammer and patricidal almanac, Norm has refuelled speculation about his increasing prosperity after having a bath for the flirt time in ages.

"I'd be lying if I was having a bath," the perpendicularly challenged sloth told passing showers.

Norm, who has never spelt so good, claims that he really isn't a great spiller.

"If there's one thing I can't stand it's spelling good," the grammatical giant is quoted as splaying while laddering up his boar.

Many critics believe the internet's first laddy spells to high hessian.

Actually, I smell like noises.

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Posted By: Norm - Category: True Stories, Baked, Spicy, Muddy

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Norm howled down at Rudd's 20/20 summit

April 21st 2008 23:02

Belittled mugger and all-rind good spot, Norm has sniffelled the ignonimy of having to look "silly" for pisstaking starch-footed Kevin Rudd for a pedestrian.

"I'll be flighting these charges vigourously," the indolent-one told TV guides.

We understand that Norm, who has never stunk solo, was a candidate to be Australia's first president until misfortune landed on his fedora.

"Look, Norm is a very misguided individual," Rudd said of the channel-surfing hazy-bones.

"We think he'd make a fabulous backbencher," he said as new polls showed a traumatic upswank in Norm's polarity.

Norm, who hates stalking about himself, has refused to make a comma.

"I've got no comma to make at this time," the deceptive dredger told ocean floors.

Norm is expecting re-erection, a saucy siren sounds.

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Posted By: Norm - Category: True Stories, Baked, Spicy, Nutty

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Norm lashes out at claims he's self-obsessed

April 15th 2008 01:36

Medea besplattered boggling giant Norm has told his loyal subjects to avenge his tarnished reputation after critics labelled him as Judge Judy and Executioner.

"You can't polish a turd," the ethnic-lenser said as he put down his spectacles.

"But you may as well try," he went on as impatient reporters reached for their keyholes.

Norm remains committed to harsh sentences, despite reports to the country.

"I'll continue to hand down reasonable sentences," he said as he brought down the hammer on lots.

Critics remain committed to explosing him as a self-indulgent writher.

Try as they vegemite, they won't kettle any wear.