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Consumption Malfunction - reader's indigestion

Belittled mugger and all-rind good spot, Norm has sniffelled the ignonimy of having to look "silly" for pisstaking starch-footed Kevin Rudd for a pedestrian.

"I'll be flighting these charges vigourously," the indolent-one told TV guides.

We understand that Norm, who has never stunk solo, was a candidate to be Australia's first president until misfortune landed on his fedora.

"Look, Norm is a very misguided individual," Rudd said of the channel-surfing hazy-bones.

"We think he'd make a fabulous backbencher," he said as new polls showed a traumatic upswank in Norm's polarity.

Norm, who hates stalking about himself, has refused to make a comma.

"I've got no comma to make at this time," the deceptive dredger told ocean floors.

Norm is expecting re-erection, a saucy siren sounds.
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Acquisitional artist to the stores, Ken Done has been arrested by police at his palatial abode after an investigation discovered he was the head of a child-pornography rink.

"He's been skating on thin ice," said the detective in charge of the arresting ice-ballet.

The artist, businessman, designer, child-molester, pedophile, poofter-pasher, scrabble-player, monopoly-exponent, tea-toweller, t-shirter, back-scratcher, mind-bender, moustache-wearer and short-lifter released a statement to the media that was too bright and colourful to be anything other than the work of a bucket-waver.

"I am innocent of the charges," he stated, "but I wouldn't mind if I wasn't."

The skirt-licker is believed to have a penchant for people in pre-pubescence.

"What's done is done," Done told his bank-manager while frittering away his banana-lounge.

The case continues.


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