Trump to Miss California: You're fired
June 11th 2009 03:29
A DISGRUNTLED ex-lover tied up his former girlfriend before raping her with a large sex toy "to scare her into locking her doors at night", the Supreme Court has heard.
"How does the defendant plead," the judge asked of his former girlfriend. "Like this, your honour," the disgruntled ex-lover, begging and sobbing, said.
The saga took a sensational twist when Ramsay's mum Helen Cosgrove said she had not spoken to the celebrity chef since the weekend.
"After what he's done," the disgruntled ex-lover's mum said, "I don't think I could speak to him," she said, grasping for air. "He had my head taped."
Yesterday Ramsay claimed it took a "bollocking" from his mother in Britain early yesterday to force him to deliver an unreserved apology to the A Current Affair host.
"She strapped her plastic genitals on," the disgruntled ex-lover told the court, "I knew I was going to get it," he said, tickling his keys. "There was no need to tie me up," the dirty old man told investigators. "I already taped the whole thing."
A federal law enforcement official said investigators had identified James W. von Brunn, 88, as the potential suspect and linked him to a website that expresses anti-government and anti-Jewish sentiments.
"We have identified the woman's old boyfriend," a federal law enforcement official said. "He's going away for a long time," he said, flicking through holiday brochures. "Our research tells us Australia is nice."
SMASHING the old notion that gentlemen prefer blondes, US researchers have determined Britain's bed-hopping super spy James Bond likes his ladies with dark hair.
"I have a thing for dandruff," the disgruntled ex-spy said. "Garnier Anti-Dandruff Shampoo," he said, toying with the jury, "Because you're worth it," he said, closing the door on the case.
"How does the defendant plead," the judge asked of his former girlfriend. "Like this, your honour," the disgruntled ex-lover, begging and sobbing, said.
The saga took a sensational twist when Ramsay's mum Helen Cosgrove said she had not spoken to the celebrity chef since the weekend.
"After what he's done," the disgruntled ex-lover's mum said, "I don't think I could speak to him," she said, grasping for air. "He had my head taped."
Yesterday Ramsay claimed it took a "bollocking" from his mother in Britain early yesterday to force him to deliver an unreserved apology to the A Current Affair host.
"She strapped her plastic genitals on," the disgruntled ex-lover told the court, "I knew I was going to get it," he said, tickling his keys. "There was no need to tie me up," the dirty old man told investigators. "I already taped the whole thing."
A federal law enforcement official said investigators had identified James W. von Brunn, 88, as the potential suspect and linked him to a website that expresses anti-government and anti-Jewish sentiments.
"We have identified the woman's old boyfriend," a federal law enforcement official said. "He's going away for a long time," he said, flicking through holiday brochures. "Our research tells us Australia is nice."
SMASHING the old notion that gentlemen prefer blondes, US researchers have determined Britain's bed-hopping super spy James Bond likes his ladies with dark hair.
"I have a thing for dandruff," the disgruntled ex-spy said. "Garnier Anti-Dandruff Shampoo," he said, toying with the jury, "Because you're worth it," he said, closing the door on the case.
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Comment by Morgan Bell
Science News
Deep Pencil
Business News
Movie Train
Artist Quirk
i think the only lesson a woman learns from being raped by a partner is to lock HIM on the other side of the door
Comment by Norm
Consumption Malfunction
Equal and Opposite
Arses and Elbows
Footy Power
I want to see an inaction hero take to the screen.
007 Neville Chamberlain.
Locking perps out since 1939.