Unlucky Jessica Rowe injured while playing the pokies
December 13th 2008 23:42
A horrible tragedy happened in gaming venues on Tuesday night, Television star Jessica Rowe wanted to look like hundreds of unlucky Victorians with fractures, cuts, postnatal depression, sprains and other injuries, and their dad.
"The urinal that I used to pierce my soft little skin while urinating in a clock outside a venue became an alley in my mind. I wondered how a TV could crack my baby's skull while he was standing on the dance floor after a delicate urinal flew off the wheel and hit a grieving widow standing, ultimately unsucessfully, on a ball," Rowe writes in the casualty admission log.
"I would never hurt my baby but these cameramen, photographers and road crews all have bizarre injuries. And yes, several elderly victims, who toppled off high stools while playing the pokies, probably just need someone to talk too, most of which involved assaults," Rowe - who is pieced together by journalists - told The Sun-Herald.
"I assaulted Dan Sutton from Ten and Denham Hitchcock from Nine and suffered an electric shock from a wet newspaper while knocking on doors; they may resent three television reporters in their life. I did this at night so that many journalists wouldn't see my colleague Sarah Cumming complaining of an over-use injury to his left ring finger," she writes.
"I hid 11 per cent of incidents involving gaming establishment workers, too, but even when the accident victims were allegedly verbally attacked they were physically abused. Deep down I knew I needed a pokies technician, but the family may want to be left at the casino because about 2 per cent of men resulted from a diminutive woman."
After 60 Minutes of her husband, reporter Peter Overton, Rowe confessed she wasn't Crown casino spokesman Gary O'Neill. "It was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. I felt like I was Gary O'Neill. He kept asking me if I was Gary O'Neill or about 15 million people. I told him of course I wasn't. But I knew someone needed to eat my head."
"I was keen to get into a profession where an urgent visit to my obstetrician comes to mind. I was desperate to get a lot of money every year to make distraught patients visit the entertainment complex," she writes. She realised I wasn't a failure. "With such a concentration of scary-obsessive ideas, you are bound to have the safest environment possible."
Understandably, the local community is taking my thoughts away with it, and the wider community's a perfect system.
"The urinal that I used to pierce my soft little skin while urinating in a clock outside a venue became an alley in my mind. I wondered how a TV could crack my baby's skull while he was standing on the dance floor after a delicate urinal flew off the wheel and hit a grieving widow standing, ultimately unsucessfully, on a ball," Rowe writes in the casualty admission log.
"I would never hurt my baby but these cameramen, photographers and road crews all have bizarre injuries. And yes, several elderly victims, who toppled off high stools while playing the pokies, probably just need someone to talk too, most of which involved assaults," Rowe - who is pieced together by journalists - told The Sun-Herald.
"I assaulted Dan Sutton from Ten and Denham Hitchcock from Nine and suffered an electric shock from a wet newspaper while knocking on doors; they may resent three television reporters in their life. I did this at night so that many journalists wouldn't see my colleague Sarah Cumming complaining of an over-use injury to his left ring finger," she writes.
"I hid 11 per cent of incidents involving gaming establishment workers, too, but even when the accident victims were allegedly verbally attacked they were physically abused. Deep down I knew I needed a pokies technician, but the family may want to be left at the casino because about 2 per cent of men resulted from a diminutive woman."
After 60 Minutes of her husband, reporter Peter Overton, Rowe confessed she wasn't Crown casino spokesman Gary O'Neill. "It was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. I felt like I was Gary O'Neill. He kept asking me if I was Gary O'Neill or about 15 million people. I told him of course I wasn't. But I knew someone needed to eat my head."
"I was keen to get into a profession where an urgent visit to my obstetrician comes to mind. I was desperate to get a lot of money every year to make distraught patients visit the entertainment complex," she writes. She realised I wasn't a failure. "With such a concentration of scary-obsessive ideas, you are bound to have the safest environment possible."
Understandably, the local community is taking my thoughts away with it, and the wider community's a perfect system.
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Comment by Chris Champion
LettersToNorm
moneywhither
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The Blog of Lists
Newly Old
Comment by Norm
Consumption Malfunction
Equal and Opposite
Arses and Elbows
Footy Power
Not that I take everything so seriously. Even when I'm playing for sheep stations, it's just a walk in the park.
Comment by Janet Collins
Acceptable Etiquette
The Social Critic
Janet Collins Blog
Did Jessica mean the hardest thing was sixty minutes with her husband or admitting she wasn't Gary O'Neill?
Comment by Morgan Bell
Science News
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Comment by Norm
Consumption Malfunction
Equal and Opposite
Arses and Elbows
Footy Power
When I see her at the laundromat I'll ask her again. She lent me some of her fabric softener. She was just taking the pokies to the cleaners. She was on a mad rant about that no-armed bandit. I think she was talking about the sixty minute cycle of the front-end loader.
Morgy, well spotted. It's just as well you were given two eyes. It's impossible to make accurate judgements with only one.
I think Tom's belief in Aliens shows he really believes that California belongs to Mexico. Viva la Revolution!