US chimp that mauled woman 'had Xanax'
May 14th 2009 02:15
A Connecticut prosecutor says test results show a chimpanzee that mauled a woman had the anti-anxiety drug Xanax in its system.
"It's not a perfect system," the prosecutor said, as the chimp stood trial for being stabbed in the back by its owner, "It can't take Xanax."
The chimp, named Travis, is on a radical diet that involves dying, has been seen to lose an amazing amount of his former vitality, and circulation.
"He used to be so full of life," Trav's owner told the prosecutor, "Now look at him. He just lies there, dead,' she cried, waving her banana in the air.
Travis' owner, Sandra Herold, is suing a woman he attacked, 90kg Stanford resident Charla Nash, for causing the death of her "husband", Travis.
"That's her, your honour. That's the woman who lost her hands, nose, lips and eyelids in the attack. I'd recognise her anywhere," Herold said, fingering an unidentified woman.
90kg Stanford resident Charla Nash, blind from the waist down, is accused by Herold of instigating the attack when she allegedly called into question the existence of God.
"Your honour," Herold told a picked jury, "She said that Travis wasn't one of God's creatures," Herold swore on the Bible, "He just went ape-shit."
Travis, a staunch believer that he's unrelated to other "more zealous primates", had grown very anxious as he learnt how to walk upright, like a human.
"He started to get the hang of it," Nash, lipless from the waist up, told the prosecutor, "Then one day he just snapped. It was like the Fonz," she said through a straw.
The court has yet to hear from the dead chimp, because his sole means of communicating with others is through signs, and violent attacks on women.
"It's not a perfect system," the prosecutor said, as the chimp stood trial for being stabbed in the back by its owner, "It can't take Xanax."
The chimp, named Travis, is on a radical diet that involves dying, has been seen to lose an amazing amount of his former vitality, and circulation.
"He used to be so full of life," Trav's owner told the prosecutor, "Now look at him. He just lies there, dead,' she cried, waving her banana in the air.
Travis' owner, Sandra Herold, is suing a woman he attacked, 90kg Stanford resident Charla Nash, for causing the death of her "husband", Travis.
"That's her, your honour. That's the woman who lost her hands, nose, lips and eyelids in the attack. I'd recognise her anywhere," Herold said, fingering an unidentified woman.
90kg Stanford resident Charla Nash, blind from the waist down, is accused by Herold of instigating the attack when she allegedly called into question the existence of God.
"Your honour," Herold told a picked jury, "She said that Travis wasn't one of God's creatures," Herold swore on the Bible, "He just went ape-shit."
Travis, a staunch believer that he's unrelated to other "more zealous primates", had grown very anxious as he learnt how to walk upright, like a human.
"He started to get the hang of it," Nash, lipless from the waist up, told the prosecutor, "Then one day he just snapped. It was like the Fonz," she said through a straw.
The court has yet to hear from the dead chimp, because his sole means of communicating with others is through signs, and violent attacks on women.
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Comment by Morgan Bell
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a chimp marrying a xanax?
slippery slope . . .
Comment by Norm
Consumption Malfunction
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Footy Power
Just so long as she's not a cheater.
She has to be true to herself, more importantly.
Comment by Morgan Bell
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Comment by Norm
Consumption Malfunction
Equal and Opposite
Arses and Elbows
Footy Power
Comment by Morgan Bell
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wheres my lady claw hammer so i can peck your eyes out in the most delicate way
Comment by Norm
Consumption Malfunction
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Footy Power
You know how the devil operates.
I'm taking one to the grave.
Just in case.
Comment by Morgan Bell
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Comment by Norm
Consumption Malfunction
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The mail has it, my nails are immaculate.
That's my back up plan.
Scratch my way out.
See you in hell.
Comment by Morgan Bell
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Comment by Norm
Consumption Malfunction
Equal and Opposite
Arses and Elbows
Footy Power
That's what I told the gravedigger too.