U.S. Navy rescues captain, kills Somali pirates
April 13th 2009 00:46
The U.S. Navy shot dead three Somali pirates and rescued cargo ship captain Richard Phillips on Sunday from a lifeboat off the coast of Somalia where he was being held captive, ending a five-day standoff.
As anticipated by technostuffs.com, the U.S. Navy utilised the latest in leg massage technology to stretch its muscles in whipping the ass of the pirates responsible for releasing Hugh Jackman's latest movie, illegally.
"We Somali people take full responsibilty for teachings of Mohammed and the sexy legs of world's sexiest man who make a killing while we make pirates," were the dying words of one of the dying pirates, who died as a result of being pumped full of it, and a sore leg.
"To be honest when we boarded the ship and shot the pirates, we found them torturing cargo ship captain Richard Phillips, who was in agony because of 'traveler’s leg soreness syndrome', which violates the Geneva convention for the treatment of a sore leg," a stand-offish rescuer said.
Cargo ship captain Richard Phillips was relieved of his womanly duties and immediately taken aboard the mother-ship and a Traveler’s Leg Massager applied to the offending appendages, as his condition threatened to worsen rapidly.
"His condition was worsening rapidly," said a spokesman for an independent research company, "It was decided that the best course of action was to find as many leg massagers as possible, or else he might develop pins and needles."
The rescuers set the co-ordinates for the capitalist enclave of Thailand in a journey that agreed with the entire crew and cast of the world's sexiest man's latest untimely offering, as the female workfore of Thailand readied their hands to make with the massagers.
"Do you have any idea how long it takes to ship a cargo of leg massagers all the way to the coast of Africa?" a bewildered cargo ship captain Richard Phillips asked, kissing his leg soreness bon voyage.
Traveler's Leg Massager is manufactured in Thailand and retails for around $149.95, plus shipping and handling.
As anticipated by technostuffs.com, the U.S. Navy utilised the latest in leg massage technology to stretch its muscles in whipping the ass of the pirates responsible for releasing Hugh Jackman's latest movie, illegally.
"We Somali people take full responsibilty for teachings of Mohammed and the sexy legs of world's sexiest man who make a killing while we make pirates," were the dying words of one of the dying pirates, who died as a result of being pumped full of it, and a sore leg.
"To be honest when we boarded the ship and shot the pirates, we found them torturing cargo ship captain Richard Phillips, who was in agony because of 'traveler’s leg soreness syndrome', which violates the Geneva convention for the treatment of a sore leg," a stand-offish rescuer said.
Cargo ship captain Richard Phillips was relieved of his womanly duties and immediately taken aboard the mother-ship and a Traveler’s Leg Massager applied to the offending appendages, as his condition threatened to worsen rapidly.
"His condition was worsening rapidly," said a spokesman for an independent research company, "It was decided that the best course of action was to find as many leg massagers as possible, or else he might develop pins and needles."
The rescuers set the co-ordinates for the capitalist enclave of Thailand in a journey that agreed with the entire crew and cast of the world's sexiest man's latest untimely offering, as the female workfore of Thailand readied their hands to make with the massagers.
"Do you have any idea how long it takes to ship a cargo of leg massagers all the way to the coast of Africa?" a bewildered cargo ship captain Richard Phillips asked, kissing his leg soreness bon voyage.
Traveler's Leg Massager is manufactured in Thailand and retails for around $149.95, plus shipping and handling.
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Comment by Chris Champion
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Comment by Norm
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I'm talking movies, man.
Comment by Morgan Bell
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Comment by Norm
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Comment by Norm
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Comment by Janet Collins
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It doesn't help much that there's a remedy for this in other parts of the world!
Comment by Norm
Consumption Malfunction
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Footy Power
I've always found pins and needles pleasant. PAN in the profession.
Go Janet, it's your birthday.