Vegemite v Marmite, cast your votes
September 10th 2008 01:33
Vegemite, a dark paste which is really nice in smelly doses, is fighting out a viscose war of nutrition with its nemesis: that other dork spread, Marmite, in a frighteningly hurtful and serious and real and dire and important and painful bottle for the ages.
"It's on, Vegemite!" Marmite said, welding a butter-knife lauded with cow-product, as Vegemite, offering the alive brunch of friendship, was rather taken aback to the Boer War and the Crimean and the Balkans in a deliciously pelletable capsule.
"It looks like me," Vegemite, a delightfully irrelevant spread choked, panting at the tiny capsule, "except, I can't stomach it," it said, putting itself about the place as Marmite, omni-impotent, got all gooey as it braised a toast to itself in topical fashion.
The bitter feud, no big deal and actually mouldy amusing, is as bitter as a yeast-injection can pissably get, and that's an extract from the movie to be shat in high-deafening pitch written by crappywriters who know their Kraft, inside and art.
"I must have the last word," Marmite, a waving mildman, said as Vegemite, flightfully laconic, peeled back its sticker to reveal its true contents, "Inside we're both just as thick as one another," it said, as Marmite, on toast, was used as a lubricant.
"It's on, Vegemite!" Marmite said, welding a butter-knife lauded with cow-product, as Vegemite, offering the alive brunch of friendship, was rather taken aback to the Boer War and the Crimean and the Balkans in a deliciously pelletable capsule.
"It looks like me," Vegemite, a delightfully irrelevant spread choked, panting at the tiny capsule, "except, I can't stomach it," it said, putting itself about the place as Marmite, omni-impotent, got all gooey as it braised a toast to itself in topical fashion.
The bitter feud, no big deal and actually mouldy amusing, is as bitter as a yeast-injection can pissably get, and that's an extract from the movie to be shat in high-deafening pitch written by crappywriters who know their Kraft, inside and art.
"I must have the last word," Marmite, a waving mildman, said as Vegemite, flightfully laconic, peeled back its sticker to reveal its true contents, "Inside we're both just as thick as one another," it said, as Marmite, on toast, was used as a lubricant.
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Comment by Morgan Bell
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im often referred to as "omni-impotent"
*paranoia*
Comment by alt_ed
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Great post Norm *think i might go make some zebra toast*
Comment by Jayne Kearney
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Now I know why I love your work, Norm!!
Comment by Norm
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you're not paranoid, I am out to get you.
My favourite spread would have to be Stalagmite.
It's the Nazi death-camp equivalent.
Yummmmmmmmmmmers.
alt_ed,
zebra toast gives me a hernia, if only I knew what it was.
Is that the one with cheese? he asked, quizically scratching the bridge off his nose.
Jayne,
you're too nice to me. Don't think you won't pay. Oh, you'll pay. Don't think you won't pay.
I charge by the very minute.
So tiny.
So.
Tiny.
The knives are out and this time they're loaded.
Comment by Norm
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Comment by Chris Champion
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Comment by Norm
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It's also not quite as bitter and much sweeter.
It's very big in the pantry.
Massive in Japan.
Big in the UK.
Small here.
Comment by Jayne Kearney
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Comment by alt_ed
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Comment by Norm
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In other words
alt_ed,
I'd seen it on the tele, yeah.
It's funny how the scum off beer, which is, from my expensive research, what I ascertained Vegemite to be made from, is what Vegemite is made from.
I reckon something can be made from SCUM.
I'm not going to say what though
Comment by Norm
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Comment by D. Armenta
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Comment by Norm
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Comment by Norm
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