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Consumption Malfunction - reader's indigestion

Vegemite v Marmite, cast your votes

September 10th 2008 01:33
Vegemite, a dark paste which is really nice in smelly doses, is fighting out a viscose war of nutrition with its nemesis: that other dork spread, Marmite, in a frighteningly hurtful and serious and real and dire and important and painful bottle for the ages.

"It's on, Vegemite!" Marmite said, welding a butter-knife lauded with cow-product, as Vegemite, offering the alive brunch of friendship, was rather taken aback to the Boer War and the Crimean and the Balkans in a deliciously pelletable capsule.

"It looks like me," Vegemite, a delightfully irrelevant spread choked, panting at the tiny capsule, "except, I can't stomach it," it said, putting itself about the place as Marmite, omni-impotent, got all gooey as it braised a toast to itself in topical fashion.

The bitter feud, no big deal and actually mouldy amusing, is as bitter as a yeast-injection can pissably get, and that's an extract from the movie to be shat in high-deafening pitch written by crappywriters who know their Kraft, inside and art.

"I must have the last word," Marmite, a waving mildman, said as Vegemite, flightfully laconic, peeled back its sticker to reveal its true contents, "Inside we're both just as thick as one another," it said, as Marmite, on toast, was used as a lubricant.

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16 Comments. [ Add A Comment ]

Comment by Morgan Bell

September 10th 2008 03:22
is this about me?
im often referred to as "omni-impotent"
*paranoia*

Comment by alt_ed

September 10th 2008 04:12
haha no, Morgan, I think you're right this time!!
Great post Norm *think i might go make some zebra toast*

Comment by Jayne Kearney

September 10th 2008 06:36
"Somehow it seems to fill my head with ideas--only I don't exactly know what they are!"

Now I know why I love your work, Norm!!

Comment by Norm

September 10th 2008 23:14
Morgan,
you're not paranoid, I am out to get you.
My favourite spread would have to be Stalagmite.
It's the Nazi death-camp equivalent.
Yummmmmmmmmmmers.

alt_ed,
zebra toast gives me a hernia, if only I knew what it was.
Is that the one with cheese? he asked, quizically scratching the bridge off his nose.

Jayne,
you're too nice to me. Don't think you won't pay. Oh, you'll pay. Don't think you won't pay.
I charge by the very minute.
So tiny.
So.
Tiny.

The knives are out and this time they're loaded.


Comment by Norm

September 10th 2008 23:16

Comment by Chris Champion

September 11th 2008 01:16

Comment by Norm

September 11th 2008 01:47
It's like Vegemite, only it's not artificially fortified.
It's also not quite as bitter and much sweeter.
It's very big in the pantry.
Massive in Japan.
Big in the UK.
Small here.

Comment by Jayne Kearney

September 11th 2008 03:51
So, no more Mr Nice Guile, huh?

Comment by alt_ed

September 11th 2008 03:55
Yo Norm, have you seen this yet? Vegemite Census

Comment by Norm

September 11th 2008 06:33
Jayne, guile forced winds are coming up from the South, so, ah, button down the hutches, or the rabbis will get out.
In other words

alt_ed,
I'd seen it on the tele, yeah.
It's funny how the scum off beer, which is, from my expensive research, what I ascertained Vegemite to be made from, is what Vegemite is made from.
I reckon something can be made from SCUM.
I'm not going to say what though

Comment by Norm

September 11th 2008 06:45

Comment by alt_ed

September 11th 2008 07:45
well, there's certainly a heap of scum on Orble trying to make something of itself hahaha

Comment by Norm

September 11th 2008 23:35
I think butter of it. But I see what you're saying. I call it reading.

Comment by Norm

September 19th 2008 22:51
I'm just smiling, eating a vegemite sandwich. That's a parallelogram, I mean that thing where you paraphrase the first part of a sentence. A thingo. Truism. No, not that. A... ????????? Thingo.

Comment by Norm

September 19th 2008 22:52

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